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Fragility and Resilience


"A Person in Grief is a Unique Mixture of Fragility and Resilience."

David Kessler, MD

The fragility of life is easy to forget, isn’t it? We go about our days stressing over the small things, such as the dishes in the sink, our overwhelming workload, or the oil change for the car. All these things tend to consume us.

In the whirlwind of our day-to-day life, we lose track of the preciousness of life until we are confronted with the loss of someone dear to us. Suddenly, we are struck with something we all try to forget, our mortality. Faced with just how fragile life is, it changes us forever.

We don’t talk about the fragility of life: how everything can be normal one moment and completely changed the next. We have no words, no language, no capacity to face this, together or as individuals. Because we don’t talk about it, when we most need love and support, there’s nothing to be found. What is available falls far short of what we need.

The reality of grief is so different from what others see or guess from the outside. Our hearts get broken in ways that can’t be fixed.

And we must start telling the truth about this kind of pain. About grief, about love, about loss, and about pain.
To survive, we have to start with telling the truth. What this feels like for you. What the experience has done for you. How intense the pain really is.

When we start there, we can begin to talk about living with grief, living with the love that remains.

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