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Early Manifestations of Grief


"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak."

Grief can reveal itself in both subtle and dramatic behaviors. And for everyone that may play out very differently. We can find ourselves having a hard time concentrating on anything but the loss, being able to function on a minimal level, or conversely, we may be one of those who will want to immerse ourselves in work, exercise, or even spirituality, seeking to avoid thinking, speaking, or remembering the baby we just lost.

Responses to grief can take the form of absence – of pleasure, of concentration and so on – and they can also take the form of presence. Some may have memories constantly running through their brain, see signs of their experience, and many cannot sleep.

Interpersonal relationships may become strained. We may have a hard time engaging with people had been close with in a meaningful way. It is just too exhausting. We just may not have patience to initiate old, existing relationships. We may feel less patient or less tolerant.

Perhaps we have not yet learned how to openly share our feelings, or we have not found others willing to listen attentively, or we do not feel safe doing so.

Many report that they lose old friends – and sometimes gain new ones – as their dyadic relationships shift.
Most importantly, we need to remember that every person is grieving and acting out that grief in his or her own way, and each person is enacting that grief in relations to others.

The journey of grief is tough and grueling. But on the other hand, grief also has the potential to bring us closer to warmth, love and connection that is within us and between us.

When our dearest and closest meet us with nonjudging compassion, we experience a sense of belonging and connection that polishes the rough edges of grief.

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