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Disenfranchised Grief

“We always think we’re supposed to make grief smaller, but the reality is: We have to become bigger.”

David Kessler

As a society, we really don’t know how to face loss. We are taught and know exactly how to acquire what we need. We are never given guidance how to deal with losing it. When we have a problem, we fix it, and we prefer to do it quickly.

The grieving of pregnancy loss is complicated, painful, and often confusing. And yes, grief is not a quick fix. This may take time. Much longer than you ever anticipated.

While grieving the loss of your child, you are also mourning the dreams, hopes, and desires you had for your child that was never able to be born.

We live in a society where pregnancy loss is not recognized. Where the important process of grief is not honored properly. And where the depth of pain that one can experience in the aftermath of a pregnancy is never understood nor recognized.

Disenfranchised grief is what you are experiencing, of where many in our society truly believe that our relationship to our pregnancy, and child is somehow ‘not worthy’ of your grief.

And then you begin to doubt yourself. If my friends and family do not count this as a ‘real’ loss, then how can I?

We attempt moving forward. And then we realize that healing happens not through doing but through feeling.

Yes, we need to give ourselves permission to feel. Feel the full range of emotions, from sadness to pain, from joy to deep introspection on all your dreams of what was meant to be and is not. And then, we want to allow ourselves to wake up one day and realize that we have the ability to talk about our loss, and that that is normal and healthy too.

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